News

I went to to the doctor today.  He said, "How are things?"  I said, "Same as normal.  "Same as normal?" he asked.  Then he laughed and said, "You're not normal."
Yes, people, it has been medically verified.

Depressing

How depressing! I just looked back at my blogs from 2008 (since I just wrote one about the history of my dumb stomach problems) and it is super depressing. Surgery in October and again in December. Now it is more than a year later, and I am still having problems! Errrg! Only now, instead of having surgeries, it is more like, "Oh, well. There isn't anything we can do for you. Have fun trying to figure out how to deal with that!" Don't get me wrong, I don't crave more surgeries, but if I could have one that could cure me, I would sign up this instant.

OK, enough with my crying pity party. I'll be back with more inspirational… well, humorous, stories about my life and ideas.

Irony

Here's a story about irony (not to be confused with Shy Ronnie, the SNL skit!)

First a little background. I have major stomach issues that, as many stomach issues are, have been a guessing game for my doctors. (Why does it have to be that way? And why do I have to suffer for long periods of time just so they can take another stab of what it could possibly be?) Anyway, right now, the diagnosis is gastroparesis which is when the nerves of your stomach are damaged which delays your stomach emptying process. Usually this is a complication of diabetes (then why do I have it? Who knows?) So, I have this vomiting problem. Sorry to say it, but it is imperative to the story. In October of 2008, I had a procedure called an ERCP and the doctor put stents into my bile ducts. Do you remember that, loyal reader? They had me on major medications (many of which were really nice…) one of them being ativan. Usually, ativan is used for helping people with anxiety, but it can also help to reduce stomach cramps, which was a nice side effect of the surgery.

Fast forward to last weekend. I go through these bouts of feeling fine and then not being able to eat a thing without getting sick. This weekend was a bad one. I was searching around my medicine drawer for something that I could take (because I have been prescribed so many things, but not much helps) and I came across an ativan that I had saved… from a year and a half before. I guess I never wanted to take the last one because I thought that I should save it for a time when I really needed it. So, digging around in my medicine drawer, I come across this one, little pill and think, "Well, now would be a good time to take it." It sat there forever, just waiting for the emergency that it would take for me to use it.

I took the pill. Ten minutes later, I threw it up. (Was that too gross? Sorry if it was.) How's that for irony? Saved it all that time, and when I finally decided to use it, I was thwarted by my own body! Figures.

Fate

Let me tell you a story about fate. Or, rather, let me tell you a story about luck, Whether dumb luck, blind luck or just bad luck, I'm not sure; you decide. A few weeks ago, on a Friday morning, I had a plan before work: go to the library, go to the post office, and go to Tim Horton's. All things to do for that day, but not necessarily in that order. It just so happens that there are a Tim Horton's really close to the library and a library really close to the post office very close to where I live. I thought, "I'll do that all right away and the go to work." Then I decided (for once, I was being smart and thinking ahead) to check to see if I could roll down my window. You know how in the winter, sometimes it gets frozen in place? I hate going through a drive thru and not being able to roll down the window. Then you have to open your door to order and look like a doofus? When I tried to roll it down, it was stuck, so I thought, "Oh, well. I drive all the way to school (because there is another Tim's and post office very close to where I work) and just drop the books off after school." So that was the new plan. Well, I decided to try just one more time to get the window down, and voila! It worked! So I went the alternate route that took me to the Tim's close to my house. (This is where BAD luck steps in.) On this alternate route to work, a route that I never travel in the mornings, I got a speeding ticket. Yes, a speeding ticket for going 35 in a school zone during restricted hours. Oh, oh, it hurts so much! I almost didn't even go that way. If only my stupid window had stayed frozen, or if I hadn't tried it one more time, this whole disaster could have been averted.

And that is my story about dumb luck.

Does Everyone’s Brain Work This Way (Or is it Just Me?)

So, we were singing today in church and I was reminded of a few songs that always make me laugh because I get funny mental images when I sing them. One example: Kneel at the Cross. I always get this picture of Neil Diamond in my head, as in "Neil at the cross." Hanging out at the cross, playing Sweet Caroline or something. Another example: When All Of God's Singers Get Home. For this one, I always get this picture of sewing machines (you know SINGER sewing machines?) walking around in heaven.

Please tell me: am I the only one who thinks this way? Well, at least it is amusing in this head of mine…

Recession Era: Are We Doomed?

I was wondering about today's economy and how it will affect our national psyche in the years to come. (Yes, I kind of do think about these things, but not as seriously as you might think.) Here is what I am wondering. How will I know if my actions are based on wanting to save money or if I am just cheap? You know, our grandparents who grew up in the Depression Era are very unique in the fact that they will do anything to save a buck, whether it is buying all household products from the Dollar Store, or reusing paper towels. What? I need to replace the roof? Don't worry about it; I just did that a few years back (translation: 30 years ago.)

Well, I've been doing a few things that make me wonder if I am motivated by the bleak economic times or if I am just a tight wad. Two specific examples come to mind. Number 1: I take as many napkins as I can from restaurants (especially Chipotle, for some reason) and use those to supplement my own, bought napkin supply. Number 2: When I remember, I ask for ketchup from the drive thru (even though I have ketchup at my house) so that I can, again, supplement my own ketchup supply (aka, squeezing the ketchup packets into my big ketchup bottle.) Does this make me cheap, or am I trying to save a buck when and where I can? Maybe it means I'm trying to "stick it to the man" whenever I can (and I'm too chicken not to pay my taxes!) Don't even get me started about the "going green" aspect. Between wanting to save our planet's resources and wanting to save my personal cash, as a nation, we might be in for a very rocky and mentally unstable future.

Winter Thoughts

Why is it that milk is the thing to get at the store when there is a big snow storm coming?  "Oh, no.  Blizzard, I better make sure I have enough milk."  That doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and yet, I am running low on milk, and for a minute, I had this little panic inside my head.  "What?  I'm almost out of milk?  But how can that be?  I am in a snow storm.  I need to have milk."  Then I came to my senses and realized that I have a sink that gives me water anytime I am thirsty.

Another thing.  I've been looking for a new winter coat because the zipper on mine broke, and I cannot find them!  I was in Meijer today and I could not find coats or boots, but I could find bathing suits.  Now, can you tell me how that makes any sense.  7 - 10 inches of snow (on top of the other two storms within the past week and a half,) and I can't buy a coat or boots.  If I followed the logic of Meijer, I'd be out shoveling in my bikini! (Umm, actually, I don't own a bikini.  But if I wanted one, I know where I can buy one.)