Crazy Times at the Doctors Office

I went to the doctor Thursday (yes, I have to have more surgeries) but it was so bizarre there. First of all, the place is always packed. That day, there was a lady in a wheelchair with an oxygen machine and a guy strapped to a gurney. They were both from nursing homes, but they weren't connected in any way. The lady didn't know where her insurance card was and she and the receptionist pulled apart her whole purse in the middle of the waiting room to try to find it. When they were looking, they found a gift card to Ruby Tuesday's and joked about taking everyone out for lunch (which is completely random, but also pretty weird.)

The other guy, who was on a gurney, was really loud and would yell out things every once in a while. His daughter was there and she was filling out his paperwork, and they really were not trying at all to be discreet. She'd be like, "How long you been smoking dad?" "What is your social security number." To which he would yell out some obscenity or another. Then, he would yell out in pain and the daughter would say, "Are you blowing up again, Poppy? That's why were here to tell the doctor about your diarrhea (I really had no clue how to spell that word!) Finally, he said he needed to go to the bathroom, and the daughter and transporter guys(?) were like, "You have a diaper on! Just go in your pants!" For the whole waiting room to hear.

So weird! Like the twilight zone. Like you wanted someone there with you to witness the strangeness because no one would believe you.

Fundamental Questions

Why do most kids shows that feature talking animals have an animal that doesn't talk because it is just the "pet?" Perfect example, Pluto. You can have a talking mouse and duck, but they have a dog that doesn't? I think there is something racist about it, not racist but animalist. Poor animal that has to be portrayed as the dumb, non-talking one. Watch for it. It happens a lot.

Amanda Reminisces

Remember when I talked about a guy driving in my neighborhood with a plastic bag on his car hood? (If you do, I am very proud of , and slightly concerned for, you). Anyway, I saw him again, same bag, same place on his hood, and I figured out what he was doing: going to the trash bin. What I thought was a lunch bag as really a trash bag. Apparently, he needs to throw things away in small increments and he can't walk to the trash bin, or put the bag in his car. No, he must drive with it stuck under his windshield wiper and make concerned spectators like me worry that he is driving to work with his lunch on his hood.

This is Why Amanda is a Genius

(subtitle: or at least thinks she is)

I have this crazy ant problem at my house right now. I say crazy for two reasons. One: they are in the innermost part of my house, the corner where my house joins to the three around me. It is not even close to the outside, so where did they come from? Two: the day I found them? Yes, the same day that I was over at my friend's, Shelly's, and she had an ant problem (the only difference between us is that she had to suck them up with the vacuum and I was smooshing them with my fingers!)

But, I have solved this ant problem with a purely genius plot. See, they were into my cats food (gross!) and I would kill them and empty the bowls, but they would keep coming back (hence, the term "pest.") So, after a few days of this, I decided to set the food bowls on top of other bowls turned upside down so that they were harder to get to. Then my brain was struck by lightning (that must have hurt (random Hook reference)) and I made the upside down bowls into little moats by filling the sides with water. (To get the full picture: these bowls are cat food bowls that have a circle for the base and then the bowl comes up and then dips down in the middle to hold food and water. Does that make sense? So, when they are turned upside down, they have this little crevasse between the outside and the actual bowl part. Did that make you confused? I kind of made myself confused!)

Voila! Ant problem fixed. And that is why I am a genius.

Amanda Sings "Ah, Poor Bird"

For some reason, a pigeon decided to commit birdie suicide today by flying right under my car while I was doing 70 on 670. I don't think I could have hit that bird if I had tried, but he flew right into my car!

Amanda Posts Proof

Here is the video of the wicked weather I promised:) (Some weatherman's idea of showers and no severe weather!)

Amanda Says, "Thanks"

Yea! Another family birthday. These things should definitely come around more than once a year;) I got lots of good stuff and ate lots of good food (hopefully that doesn't come back to haunt me later;) And, of course, sat with all the best people! Here are some pics including the thing that will be my new obsession (from my parents) a Flip video camera!!! (Plus a gift card from Vanessa for a Les Miserable CD and a check from grandma going towards a Pandora charm (of course) not to be posted on the world wide web for obvious reasons!)

Amanda Hates it

Eeewww. I just saw the typo in one of my blog titles, "Amand'a" instead of "Amanda's." I hate that! But, I'm gonna leave it because life is not perfect. (Thank you therapy:)

Amanda Finds it Funny

Yesterday, there was a huge (unexpected?) storm at my house. I know that these things pop up all the time in spring, but isn't it funny how it seems like it is the first time it has ever happened? (It snowed! It rained! It hailed! (is that a word? (in the weather sense, not in the "all hail the power of Jesus' name" sense))) Sometimes this all happens on the same day in Ohio! Anyway, I found it funny, as I was driving home in the pouring rain, that one of the local forecasters (to remain unnamed . . .) was on the radio saying, "Tonight the rain tapers off in the early evening. Some showers but no severe weather." Just as he is spewing his lies (ooo, very dramatic!) a hail storm starts. Have you ever been in your car during a hail storm? To someone who cringes (and, yes, sometimes has to plug her ears) when she flushes the toilet, this is very nerve-wracking. It is like a car wash on steroids.

Then, I go inside, take a video (yes, I too am one of those people who marvels at rain like it is the first time I have ever seen it), and go to sleep. I can hardly keep my eyes open. But a half an hour later, I am awakened by tornado sirens.

So, I trudge downstairs to see what's up on the local news. (Like most people in Columbus, sorry Andrew) I turn to channel 10 first to see a graphic about swine flu (sorry, H1N1) frozen on the screen. Then I turn to channel 4 (sorry again, brother) to see a similar graphic frozen on my screen. So, I turn to channel 6 and I hear Carol Luper say the funniest thing, "As you are out driving tonight, try not to splash the people who are walking." A: just how many people are out walking tonight, Carol? B: why would it matter if they were splashed by a passing car in the midst of a torrential downpour? I love Carol Luper (she worked with my dad back in the day and now works with my brother. When I went to college, she offered for me to stay with her in her house anytime I got stranded at Capital.) But, you have to admit, that was a pretty funny thing to say. And, maybe, all of Columbus heard it because the other two stations were down with lightning strikes!